Memory Care Survival Guide, Part 2: Adjusting Routines, Simplifying the Day, and Saving Your Energy
Memory Care Survival Guide, Part 2: Adjusting Routines, Simplifying the Day, and Saving Your Energy
Some days in memory care go almost smoothly. Other days, everything falls apart before 9 a.m. and you’re wondering if coffee counts as a food group.
That doesn’t mean you’ve failed; it just means you’re caregiving in real life.
In Part 1, we talked about starting small: one gentle routine, a few tiny rituals, and ways to protect your boundaries when other people don’t understand what your days really look like.
In this post, we’ll go deeper into:
Adjusting routines as memory loss changes
Simplifying daily tasks so you’re not carrying everything in your head
Small, realistic ways to protect your own energy
Simple steps to soothe tense moments
Even if your “routine” is three quiet minutes of breathing together before bed, it still counts. (No committee of experts will come knocking to review your performance.)
Part 2: Adjusting Routines as Memory Loss Changes
Memory loss is not a straight line. Some days your loved one can do more; some days less. Sometimes their abilities shift in what feels like five minutes, and your carefully planned day goes with it.
When that happens, try three gentle steps:
Pause and observe. How do they seem right now? Tired, restless, confused, or full of energy? Are you getting “let’s go outside” vibes or “please don’t move me” vibes?
Let go of the original plan. Quietly drop today’s expectations and look for what might feel easier.
Choose something simpler or more soothing.
If folding laundry is suddenly overwhelming, switch to sitting together, holding a soft towel, listening to music, or chatting briefly.
If your usual evening walk feels impossible, open a window and watch the sky together instead. If the walk was supposed to be your “healthy coping strategy,” watching the sunset still counts.
It’s completely okay to let go of a routine that has become too hard. You’re not failing; you’re updating the system. Focus on comfort, familiarity, and small wins, even if that means switching to a much simpler version of the activity.
Ideas by Stage of Memory Loss
Early stages: Involve them in real daily tasks: sorting mail, folding laundry, watering plants, preparing simple snacks. Think: life, but with training wheels.
Middle stages: Lean into familiar and repetitive activities: listening to favorite songs, matching socks, taking short walks in the garden, setting napkins on the table.
Advanced stages: Use gentle sensory experiences: holding a soft blanket, listening to soothing music, looking at colorful picture books, giving a light hand massage with scented lotion. Even sitting quietly together or offering a comforting touch can be a powerful routine.
These small anchors create a sense of structure and calm for both of you, wherever you are in the memory care journey.
Some days the routine works. Other days, it doesn’t. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means your loved one’s brain is changing, and you’re adapting in real time—often without any warning memo.
Part 3: Simplifying Daily Tasks So You’re Carrying Less
Caregiving is exhausting, not just because of what you do, but because of everything you have to remember: medications, appointments, meals, laundry, phone calls, paperwork, mood changes, behavior changes, and whatever surprise curveball today brings. The list never ends, it just loops.
One of the kindest things you can do for yourself is to simplify the tasks that repeat. Not to be more “productive,” but so your brain can finally put a few things down and stop acting like a 47‑tab browser.
Remove Just One Step
Start tiny. Look for places to remove one step instead of overhauling everything:
Keep a small basket by the bed filled with the same nighttime items: lotion, tissues, lip balm, a favorite book. Whether the same page in the book is read every night or not, the act matters. As long as it isn’t causing any harm, just go with it. This saves you from making extra trips back and forth in the evening.
Tape a simple morning or evening checklist inside a cupboard door. Let the list do the remembering for you. This way, you don’t have to carry all the little daily steps in your head like a walking clipboard.
Group Tasks into Small Bundles
You can also make things easier by grouping tasks that naturally go together:
If showering is hard, pair it with something predictable and comforting: the same towel, soft music, a warm drink afterward.
If laundry piles up, pick one laundry day and always fold in the same spot, maybe while your loved one helps with simple sorting.
Linking tasks into small, repeatable bundles makes them easier to start and complete—less “Where do I even begin?” and more “Okay, step one.”
Lower the Bar for “Done”
Another radical act: lower the bar.
Dinner doesn’t have to be a fully cooked meal. Some nights, a sandwich, fruit, and something from the freezer is perfectly fine.
The house doesn’t need to be spotless. Focus on clear walkways and the rooms you actually use.
If a full shower is too much, a warm washcloth and fresh clothes are good enough for today.
Simplifying usually means choosing what is kind to your body and realistic for right now, not for some future version of you who is rested, hydrated, and has a support team.
As you experiment, notice how your day feels when certain tasks get easier. If something always drains you, ask:
Can I skip this—at least sometimes?
Can I share it with someone else?
Can I make it one notch simpler?
You might not be able to change the big picture, but you can adjust the daily grind so it takes less from you and leaves more room for rest and connection.
Part 4: Why Your Care Matters Too
Taking care of yourself is not selfish—it is survival. Many caregivers feel guilty the moment they turn their attention to their own needs, as if caring for themselves means caring less for their loved one.
It doesn’t. It means both of you get a version of you who isn’t running entirely on fumes and sheer willpower.
Tiny Self‑Care Moments That Actually Fit
If guilt shows up (and it will), notice it and also remember: even small self‑care moments help both of you.
Quick resets you can weave into the day:
Step outside for two minutes of fresh air.
Close your eyes and take five slow breaths.
Text a friend: “Today is a lot.”
Drink a glass of water on purpose.
Listen to a favorite song all the way through.
None of this will fix the situation. But it can give you just enough energy to face the next thing with a little more patience.
Giving yourself permission to pause and reset does not mean you’re neglecting your loved one. It means you’re caring for the only tool you use for everything: yourself.
Where to Find Extra Support
If you need more support (and many caregivers do), consider:
Local caregiver support groups
Online caregiver forums
Caregiver helplines
To find resources close to home, you can:
Ask your loved one’s doctor or a hospital social worker
Search online for “caregiver support group” plus your city or state
Check community centers, religious organizations, or libraries
Two widely used resources:
Alzheimer’s Association (www.alz.org) – 24/7 helpline: 1‑800‑272‑3900, plus extensive resources for families
Family Caregiver Alliance (www.caregiver.org) – information, tools, and online communities for caregivers
Reaching out for information or someone to listen isn’t a sign that you’re falling apart. It just means you’re human.
Part 5: Small Ways to Soothe Tense Moments
Tense moments in memory care can seem to come out of nowhere: a sudden outburst, a wave of fear, a flat refusal to do something that was easy last week. One second you’re fine, the next your heart is racing and your brain is frantically searching for the right thing to say.
In those moments, don’t try to fix everything. Aim for one small, soothing step at a time.
Start with Your Own Body
Before you say anything:
Soften your shoulders.
Unclench your jaw.
Slow your breathing just a little.
You don’t have to feel calm for this to help. Speaking a little more steadily and moving gently can lower the tension. Often, your loved one notices your body language more than your words.
Turn Down the Volume (Outside and Inside)
Try to reduce stimulation:
Turn down the TV.
Dim bright lights.
Move away from busy hallways.
Step into a quieter room if possible.
In the calmer space, use simple, repeatable phrases:
“You’re okay. I’m right here.”
“We’re just going to sit for a minute.”
You don’t need the perfect script—just something gentle you can say on autopilot when your brain is buffering.
Offer Familiar Comforts
Then, reach for things you already know help:
A soft blanket
A favorite song
A familiar photo album
A cup of tea in their usual mug
A simple task they can still do: folding a towel, sorting cards, brushing a pet
This isn’t about tricking them. It’s about giving their nervous system something familiar to hold onto.
Join Their Reality Instead of Correcting
When someone is upset, it’s tempting to argue with the facts:
“We already talked about this.”
“That’s not what happened.”
“It’s Tuesday, not Sunday.”
Often, joining their reality works better than trying to drag them into yours. Instead, try:
“I can see this is upsetting. Let’s do one small thing together first.”
“I’m here with you. We’ll figure this out together.”
“That sounds really frustrating. How about we take a short break?”
“It’s okay to feel this way. I’m right here.”
Meeting the emotion—fear, anger, sadness—usually helps more than explaining the situation.
Your Safety Matters Too
Calming tense moments is not just about them. It’s about you.
If something feels unsafe for you or anyone else, your safety matters. Trust your instincts. If you need help, reach out to a family member, neighbor, or emergency services.
One way to make these moments less overwhelming is to create a simple emergency plan in advance. Knowing ahead of time whom you would call, where you would go, and what steps you would take if a crisis happens can help you act quickly and reduce panic.
Write down important contact numbers, talk to neighbors or trusted friends about ways they could support you in an emergency, and decide on a safe spot you can move to if things escalate. Keeping this plan somewhere easy to see makes it easier to follow in the moment, especially when your mind is racing.
If a situation begins to escalate and you feel at risk, take these steps:
If possible, move yourself and the person you care for to a safe space, away from sharp objects or dangerous situations.
Try using a calm, steady voice and avoid any sudden movements that could increase tension.
If the person becomes physically aggressive and you cannot safely calm things down, prioritize getting everyone out of harm’s way.
Do not hesitate to call 911 or emergency services if there is any immediate danger to you or your loved one. Emergency responders are trained to help in these scenarios, and your call could prevent a serious incident.
Afterwards, let a trusted friend, neighbor, or another family member know what happened so you are not alone in managing the aftermath.
Remember, asking for help in an emergency is not a failure as a caregiver. It is an act of safety and responsibility for both of you.
When things settle and it’s safe, give yourself a short recovery window:
Stand on the porch.
Sit in your car.
Close your eyes in the bathroom and take ten slow breaths.
Text a friend: “That was a lot. I did the best I could.”
Jot a few lines in a notebook.
These small resets won’t erase what happened, but they help keep you from carrying all that tension into the next hour.
If you’re overwhelmed or alone with it all, organizations like the Alzheimer’s Association and Family Caregiver Alliance (and local condition‑specific groups) can offer both validation and practical ideas. If you live in a rural or remote area, you can still find support through national helplines, phone‑based coaching, and online groups.
If you are a family member or friend who wants to support the caregiver, one of the most valuable things you can do is to help research local resources, support groups, or helplines. Sharing information about helpful organizations or passing along details about caregiver events can make a real difference and lighten the mental load for the person giving care every day.
Tense moments will still happen, even when you’re doing everything “right.” That doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means this is hard, and you’re living in the middle of it.
Each time you take one small, soothing step—for them or for yourself—you’re teaching both your bodies that you don’t have to stay stuck in the storm forever.
Part 6: A Quiet Kind of Bravery
Caring for someone with memory loss will always have some chaos. Days can fall apart, moments can hurt, and nights can feel endless. The soundtrack might be a mix of medical alarms, late‑night TV, and your own thoughts.
But through all of this, you’re quietly creating moments of calm, often without even noticing.
It might be:
A small routine that makes mornings a little smoother
A task you’ve simplified so it doesn’t drain you as much
A tense moment you soften with a familiar comfort
A small boundary you set to protect your energy
None of this makes caregiving easy, and that’s not the point. These are survival moves that make life more livable for both of you.
Each time you choose a little predictability, carry a bit less, soothe instead of argue, or rest instead of push, you’re practicing a quiet kind of bravery.
If no one has said this to you recently: what you’re doing matters.
The way you keep showing up, even when you’re tired, angry, numb, or unsure, is not ordinary. Some days bring grief, rage, frustration, or deep exhaustion. All of that is valid. You are not the only one feeling these things.
You may not always feel calm in the chaos of memory care. But you are building pockets of calm inside it, often in three‑minute increments, and that is more than enough for today.
When you can, pause and look for the small things that went right:
A peaceful moment
A small smile
A task that felt slightly easier than yesterday
Let yourself notice these wins and take quiet pride in them. Over time, those tiny acknowledgments can help you see your own strength more clearly.
Your daily courage matters more than you know.
If you’re a family member or a friend, don’t underestimate how much it means to say thank you to the caregiver. A simple note, a kind message, or a few heartfelt words can brighten an impossible day. Regularly expressing gratitude, even in small ways, helps caregivers feel seen for everything they do—both the visible and invisible work. Letting them know they are appreciated can make all the difference (especially when it’s honest and specific, not just “You’re amazing!” as you head out the door).
Call‑to‑Action: Don’t Do This Alone
If this guide felt a little too real, it’s because this is what memory care really looks like for many of us: messy, exhausting, and sometimes funny in ways you can’t explain to people who aren’t living it.
On my site, I share:
Day‑in‑the‑life stories that show the whole picture, not just the polished moments
Practical checklists and tiny routines you can copy and adapt
Honest posts about guilt, anger, family conflict, and burnout—the parts no one puts on the pamphlets
If you don’t want to do this alone, subscribe so you don’t miss:
New survival strategies you can actually use this week
Scripts and phrases for those impossible conversations
Reminders that you’re not the only one thinking, “This is so hard, and I love them so much.”
👉 Subscribe to Dazey’s Diary to get new posts straight to your inbox and keep building your own survival guide, one imperfect, honest story at a time.
You shouldn’t have to figure out memory care from scratch—especially not at 2 a.m., with tears in your eyes and Google as your only witness.
